Up and Down But Always Forward

As I sit here in the NICU watching my baby boys sleep, I'm reminded of how good our God is. Here are two beautiful babies who were born three months before they were due to enter the world. They are nearly three weeks old now and God has watched over their precious lives every step of the way. Their lungs, which weren't meant to work this early are sick but they are growing and developing more each day. Their bodies may be tiny but each organ is doing its part - the lungs, the kidneys, the heart.... they're all functioning so well considering this world is still so new and foreign to them. They've had brain bleeds and seizures, bradycardia episodes and times they need bagging. Yet they're growing bigger every day. Both boys are over three pounds now and each day, they lose more of that ruddy look; being replaced by a squeezably cute pink "newborn" glow. With each day, they lose a little more of that micro-preemie appearance and we are able to see more of their defining features. They are thriving. There are ups and downs but they are continuing to grow and their tiny bodies are continuing to mature.

Bryce has had a lot of downs in recent days. He was switched over to the oscillating vent due to poor oxygen saturation. His kidneys struggled to function on the endocin meant to close the PDA in his heart. He started experiencing seizures. But these past few days have also been ripe with blessings - answers to our prayers. God began closing his PDA where the medicine was just not working. His brain bleed was no longer present. His oxygen requirements leveled off and even decreased a little. He has slowly become more tolerant of the poking and proding of NICU staff from labs, taking vitals, etc. He is now feeding from my breast milk in addition to the TPN and is tolerating it well thus far. God has answered our prayers for him time and time again.

Grant is no less a miracle and answer to prayer than his brother. Though his brain bleed is definitely something the staff have had to watch closely, it has continued to stay stable; free from swelling or major spinal fluid retention. His oxygen requirements have not been able to decrease but he has not had to switch over to the oscillating vent, either. While they had to replace Bryce's UAC line (the arterial line they use to draw labs from), his has remained useful - a huge blessing as this keeps the staff from constantly having to prick him to draw blood. His yeast infection was caught early and treated quickly; his spinal tap for that has remained negative (a 72 hr culture). He is also feeding from my breast milk, doing so well that he may be totally off the TPN within the next few days.

The NICU is definitely a roller coaster ride. It is definitely both emotionally and physically draining. I would be lying if I told you that every day gets easier. Some days I'm full of faith while other days I'm severely lacking. Yet my boys continue to thrive and my God still answers my cries for my sons. I am learning day by day to lean fully on Him. The situation may change and the struggles may change but God is still the same. He is still holding them. He is still the Great Physician, continuously perfecting these precious little lives. He is still here giving us peace and assurance that He is still in control. It is because of this that I am able to kiss my babies gently and walk away from their isolates each night to drive home and leave them in the care of the staff at St. Johns. He has blessed us with a wonderful staff to care for them and He is watching over them. And one day soon, this will all be just a memory - a reminder of how incredible our God really is.