The Birth and The Days That Have Followed

Last time I posted I talked about the nurses chasing the boys on the monitors. I was in a hospital bed, looking at the possibility of 8 more weeks of bedrest. I would love to still be at that point....

On Tuesday morning, Nov 30th, my water broke. Two hours later my precious baby boys were brought into the world. Bryce was first at 10:49am weighing in at 2 lbs 5 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. Grant was next a minute later weighing 2 lbs 9 oz and 14 1/4 inches long. The pride Paul and I felt when they were born was indescribable. They were so very small but they were perfect. I couldn't see them but I could hear them - two cries clearly protesting their early entrance. It was a sound that I will always cherish. A sound of two 12 week premature baby boys crying. The sound of two babies who came out pink - not purple or blue. That was a blessing for us and allowed us to breathe. Paul followed his sons up to the NICU while I was stapled back together. What has followed in the days since there birth has been a roller coaster of emotions.

Both were intubated upon arrival in the NICU. On Wednesday both had transfusions. Wednesday was a rough day for me emotionally but the boys were doing fine. Bryce was taken off the ventilator switched to a CPAP machine. Grant was not quite there yet. Thursday afternoon as I was helping with Grant's vitals, I noticed twitching. I asked the nurse about it and the nurse practitioner (NP) came in. They weren't sure if it was seizure activity or just premature muscle spasms. A few hours later, he did it again. This time, the episode lasted for several minutes. I felt helpless to fix what he was going through. The neonatologist ordered phenobarbital and a head ultrasound & EEG for the following day. Friday was a somewhat quiet day with only one episode from Grant. Bryce was still stable and happy. Grant is what they call a "touch-me-not" so his stats would drop at each set of vitals so they'd have to up his oxygen levels. He was given a tiny dosage of a sedative to help limit that response. At their 8pm vitals, Paul and I headed down to the NICU from my hospital room to see the boys. The NP was called in to talk to us about Grant's head ultrasound & EEG results. He had a level two brain bleed. My heart hit the floor and I nearly did, as well. There are 4 stages to brain bleeds. It can be an upsetting explanation. I felt like she'd told us we were going to lose our baby boy. I broke down into tears. What do you do with that? While Paul leanined up against his isolate and started praying, I grabbed the phone and went out into the hall to call our pastor. When he said he was on his way, I headed back into the NICU and asked to speak with the NP again. I needed her to reexplain. She said level 2 but my head said level 4. I had shut down shortly after she started explaining things and knew I missed a lot of what she said. Jenni (NP) came back in and reexplained the bleed. I felt a little better about it after that. Its just a 2 - there's not bleeding in the brain matter or swelling. They were going to be watching it closely. Pastor came in and prayed with us and we prayed over my baby boy. Paul and I both felt at peace after that and were able to sleep soundly that night. Saturday was discharge day. We spent the day gathering up my belongings and mentally preparing ourselves for leaving the boys and going home. They had a wonderful day and we were able to leave the hospital with peace that they were ok.

Sunday, things went south. Bryce had up to this point been the "healthy" one. He has pneumonia and a possible heart murmur but nothing that made us feel worried. Grant on the other hand was the one that was struggling. He'd desat (drop his oxygen levels) at his vitals and especially when they suctioned him. He has the brain bleed and seizures and was still requiring the ventilator. Sunday the tables flipped. Bryce had an episode of bradycardia (heart rate dropped into the 40s) at 11am. They continued to occur in growing frequency throughout the day. Paul and I went to their 8/9pm vitals and both were still ok, though they were transfusing Bryce in hopes that it would stop the bradycardia. We left with the boys still looking good. Paul and I climbed into bed that night and Paul was quickly asleep. I had been struggling emotionally so I had a harder time falling asleep. At 10:30pm, just as I was getting ready to nod off I got a phone call from NICU that Bryce was in critical condition, was going to be reintubated and they had found bloody mucus in his mouth. Paul and I immediately headed up to the hospital, calling everyone we could for prayer. As we headed up in the elevator, we stopped to pray and begged God to let him be stable when we arrived. I nearly passed out as I stood in front of the NICU doors, waiting for them to clear us to enter. We were met at the door by the charge nurse, scrubbed up and headed into their pod. Jen (charge nurse) explained that the bradycardia and bleeding were likely separate issues. They had ordered an ECG and had drawn a lot of labs to check for infection. He was started on another antibiotic in the interim. After intubation, his stats looked good. We stayed for 2 hours to make sure that he was not going to have any more episodes and then headed home, relieved that he was resting peacefully and was still with us. We both slept peacefully the rest of the night.

I called around 11:30am today to check on the boys and see if there was any word on the results of the head ultrasounds and echos that both boys had earlier in the morning. Bryce was still doing ok and his test results had not returned yet. Grant was also doing good and the results from the head ultrasound were in - it was stable at a stage 1. Such an answer to prayer! I called Paul with the news and he nearly cried in relief. He had been struggling with the idea of returning to work and this news certainly helped him relax a bit. Grant required another transfusion but it was a small drop and with the blood they have to draw out, that's expected. Later on in the afternoon I called to check on Bryce's results. He has a level 1 bleed on the brain but that is not worrisome. They will keep an eye on it. He had one more episode of bradycardia during the echo but they were pressing on his sternum right below his heart so that is understandable. He hasn't had any episodes other than that. He has a scope ordered for today to see where the blood that was in his mouth is coming from.

We literally live hour by hour right now. Paul and I constantly have to remind ourselves to leave these boys in the hands of the Father. I feel helpless to fix what the boys are struggling with. I want to swoop in and make them all better. My boys are 7 days old today. They are both on ventilators, have brain bleeds and some other minor issues. But they are both doing good for 28 weekers. We are trusting in God and fully leaning on His promises. It will be a long road but we will bring them home healthy and as ornery as ever.