Thirteen Weeks

Thirteen weeks ago, I was sitting in POD 2 of St Johns NICU staring at the smallest baby boys that I had ever laid eyes on. Bryce, weighing just 2 lbs 5 oz was extubated and breathing with the help of a SiPAP machine. Grant, weighing 2 lbs 9 oz was still intubated and showing his first signs of seizure activity. We had no idea what to expect. Would the boys even come home? Thursday, December 2nd we found out that Grant had a grade 2 brain bleed and was seizing, requiring phenobarbital. I was devastated. I remember hearing only the first few words of Jenni's explanation before my brain checked out. I had a good cry, gathered myself and then asked Jenni to reexplain what that brain bleed meant. Three days later, Bryce crashed and was reintubated. The drive to the hospital that night was unnerving. I wasn't sure what we were going to hear when we got to the NICU and my knees nearly buckled while waiting outside the NICU doors to be ok'd to enter. That night I came home and looked at the totes full of baby clothes, diapers and blankets piled up along the wall in our bedroom. I burst into tears wondering if we would ever be able to bring home these tiny baby boys. I was afraid that we'd never bring them home to our family. The next 4 weeks were heart wrenching. The boys were constantly up and down with their health. I slept with my phone under my pillow, terrified to answer when it would ring and "Unknown" would pop up knowing that it was likely the NICU.

January was better with both boys being extubated and both advancing towards bottle feeding. Then came February and a set back I never saw coming; Grant coded while being intubated for eye surgery. We spent another two weeks on pins and needles. I think that I broke down in the NICU more those two weeks than the rest of our NICU time combined. Once again I wondered if both twins would be coming home. Bryce improved enough that on Friday, February 11th we were able to bring him home seven days before his due date and just 2 days shy of daddy's birthday. What an awesome way that was to celebrate Paul's birthday! The next few weeks were a frustrating blur trying to get Grant to catch up to his brother and come home as well. Yet, through all of that, here we are with both boys home.

As we prepared to bring Grant home on Sunday, I was a crazy mix of emotions. DaNae, one of our favorite day time nurses brought the discharge papers into our Care-by-Parent room and we got pictures for the first time with she and both of the boys. She admitted Bryce (or was it Grant?); the first one to take care of him and the one who "caught" him after Dr Williams removed him from my belly. Becky was busy taking pictures of the boys on the bed as DaNae and I stood to the side and watched. I gave DaNae a hug and bawled. I cannot thank her enough for all that she did for us during the time Grant was struggling with seizures on the vent back in February. I would never have been able to make it through that week, or the weeks that followed, without her. Funny that I was so very ready to have the boys both home yet felt sad to leave the NICU and the incredible staff who work there. Becky and I bawled on eachother as Grant was loaded into the van to go home. I climbed in and looked back at the boys as we drove out of the parking lot. Again I bawled. We had BOTH boys in our van. No more late night visits to the NICU, no more dreaded calls or disheartening lab results. No more NEC scares, NG tubes or ventilators. No more alarming monitors, or screeching isolate temperature alarms.

Here we are, thirteen weeks after their birth and despite all of struggles, they are here, they are healthy and they are HOME. Home. I honestly wondered if that day would ever come. We have traded NICU visits to specialist appointments. Opthamologists and pulmonologists, pediatricians, occupational therapists, speech therapists, home-health nurses. Crazy med schedules and complicated formula concoctions. Three hour feeds and LONG nights. Yet I wouldn't trade a moment of it. God heard the many many cries for healing that were offered up for our precious boys and these tiny babies have become small miracles. I know what it feels like to ache to hear your baby cry. I know how it feels for your arms to ache to hold them. I can now hold them all day long if I wanted. I don't have to put them down and go home. They are home with me! I hear their sweet cries each day.

Bryce struggled when we first brought him home to eat and gain weight. We've upped his calorie count, added AR to his formula and propped up his bed and he is doing much better. He's even beginning to get the jowls that little brother has developed. Grant is doing good now that he is home and is eating a lot better than I expected. Its still a bit of a challenge to get him to eat during the night but he eats like a champ often during the day. They love to snuggle and love to be close to eachother. They are getting spoiled already because we don't want to put them down. But that's okay. We'll worry about that later. Right now I just want to enjoy every moment of them being home and hold them as often as they want. :D

Thank you all so very much for your prayers. Thank you for the many encouraging messages that you sent out to us to help lift us up when we were struggling to make it through the day. Who am I that God would hear our cries and b less us with such incredible miracles?